companion to heroes

Ilan's family proved to be manageable. Even Gittel Zeller can be charmed, though I doubt she will ever be wholly pleased with the idea of me as...what? Her sister-in-law? It's as frightening a thought to me as it is to her! He hasn't proposed. But I think he will. It should bother me, we've known one another less than a week, and I certainly shouldn't consider saying yes, but I think I might; I've taken madder risks. We've been staying in Londinium. I don't think the talks Ilan and Yehudit came here for are going terribly well, but I can't blame Kyteler; the city was nearly blasted to ruins last night. We escaped the worst of it but Ilan went out to help with the rescue effort and I did a little healing; I'm not a healer exactly, but I'm an energy worker after my fashion...and better than no-one.

I think about Miguel a lot these days. I don't know how we are going to find him if it's true that even Charteris has no idea where he is. It would be so easy to just give up and believe it's all lies, that he's dead, but it's not and he isn't. Ilan is kind to me when I can't help thinking about it and thinks he should already have solved this, but how can he? Reading minds doesn't help when nobody actually knows the answers to your questions. At least, nobody here. And why should anyone here know? Maybe they know in Gallia or Armorica. Ilan has friends in Armorica, particularly a woman who is some relation of the Malfoys, which amuses me--are they everywhere? But the last thing she is going to do is help Jews get back into Armorica, which is completely under Grindelwald's domination; his son even lives there.

Mostly, I just hate having nothing to do, while Ilan and Yehudit and Sir Florian do what they do. I have spoken to prima Lavinia, but she is genuinely busy. I think I look forward to Palestine. I have been Maria-Teresa too long. I want to be Tiferet, now...

Miguel’s father was here this morning. I didn’t think I would ever see him again. He’s changed. It’s as though he’s found some kind of religion. He believes he’s making a better world. A world, he says, with no room for people like us in it. A world my son—our son—is meant to help create. They’ve done something to him. I don’t understand it at all. He was always a tough piece of work, but he’s not…well, he’s different now. He used to be a troublemaker, he used to be a rogue, but he wasn’t…he had his own soul. The man I remember is gone and his mind’s full of something he thinks is like G-d. It makes me wonder. What they’re doing to my boy, wherever he is. What he’ll be like, when I get him back. What they’re willing to do.

I tried to reach Nicodemo, but I can’t even find him, not by scrying, not in water or fire. He’s gone somewhere Unplottable. I don’t know how much time I’ve been able to buy.

He scared my girls. He really scared them. Callandra has been here since Lavinia Scalara and the War Bureau ran the place and he frightened her. There was a man named Trevelyan here, with one of the boys. Lavinia didn’t have many boys here, but I recruited a few. Trevelyan helped me convince him to leave.

I’m going to try and give Charteris back his money, anyway.

I don't know what I am going to do. Betraying Nico is out of the question; so is defying Charteris. He has my son. I can't imagine what Nico must have done for Charteris to want that information, and I don't dare ask him in case I'm made to tell. Whatever it was I hope it was worth it.

Every time I think I have enough to pay Charteris off for good, something happens. It's worse than owing goblins and he has my boy. I don't even want to think about what would happen if I told Lavinia about that. I'm sure she and Kyteler would want to help and equally sure they'd go about it all wrong. Besides, for all that she's my cousin, she's my cousin many times removed, and the only reason we even know we're related is Beatriz.

So relieved. So very relieved to hear from prima Lavinia. I didn't think she'd changed her mind, but she hadn't taken the draft to Gringotts and she hadn't sent me a bill of sale and she hadn't said anything about supper...

I am very pleased with my acquisitions, but I would really like to know my cousin, too; Beatriz speaks so well of her, and if Catalina doesn't like her, well, that's just to be expected.